Title: Zero Effects
CLFF22 Gold Medal - Fiction

CLFF Waves Site



CLFF22 Gold Medal - Artwork

cover by dancewithgary
screencaps by acampbell and oxoniensis
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Part 1



***

Chapter Four

***


Backlit by the rising sun, two heroic figures confronted each other, high above Gotham's morning streets.

"How could you keep Lex a secret from me all these years, Bruce?" Clark stood stiffly in front of the other man, arms folded across his emblazoned chest and his face grim. "All this wasted time..."

Expression concealed behind his dark mask, Bruce shook his head, his mouth twisted. "And I was supposed to know that Lex was important to you? How? Based on a few paragraphs in a small town newspaper?" His hand flew out in a dismissive gesture. "You've never said anything to me about him before, about your life in Smallville."

"I saved his life!"

"You've saved a lot of people's lives!"

"But he..." Clark's arms dropped to his sides and his voice softened. "There was no one else like him, Bruce." He looked away to the side, swallowing down his emotion. "He's so alone. Isn't there something more I...we can do to give him back his life?"

Dark eyes glittered from concealment as Bruce shrugged. "There weren't many options open to Lex after he was hurt, short of killing Lionel." At Clark's aborted movement, Bruce laughed grimly. "I've thought about it, but I haven't fallen that far into the darkness, yet. The best I could do was to hide Lex with a new identity, give him the tools he needed to make the best of what life he has left to him. No one else knows, except Alfred."

"And now me."

"Yes. I can understand your anger, Clark. When I saw him there, strapped down, helpless, I wanted to make someone pay. It took me too long to find him once I'd heard what had happened. We'd lost touch with each other after Excelsior, but I'd always considered him a friend." A dark gauntlet flexed. "I did the best I could, but it was too little, too late."

A muscle flexed in Clark's jaw as he nodded. "It wasn't your fault, Bruce. It was mine. I abandoned him when he needed me the most, and I failed when I tried to save him later. I was a coward."

A bitter laugh escaped the other man. "You? I find that hard to believe, Clark."

Mouth twisted in self-disgust, Clark shook his head. "It's true, Bruce, and I've regretted it every day of my life since then."

Reaching out, Bruce placed a hand on Clark's shoulder and squeezed. "There has to be more that you're not telling me, a reason that you would have left Lex behind to be hurt."

Shrugging off the forgiving gesture, Clark shook his head. "My secrets were never worth Lex's life." Straightening, he smiled grimly. "I have a second chance to get it right. I'm not going to fail this time."

"Clark, it's not that simple. Lex is..."

"Listen, I have to go. I left a note because I didn't want to wake him up, but I want to make sure he's all right. I still have some more things I need to tell him, to explain. I just hope he can forgive me. I'll catch you later." Clark sprang into the air and was gone before Bruce could finish speaking.

"Damn it, Clark. This can't be good." Activating his communicator, he made a quick call. "Alfred, I need to go to Metropolis. I think our friend is going to need me. Please have the plane ready to go when I get there."

. . .


He'd listened to the instructions that had awakened him and had ended up in this office, still trying to make sense of his truncated life. The training materials flashing by on the laptop were clear and concise, and it looked as if all he had to do was pick the right key words to retrieve any information on his missing past that he wanted. Picking up the scribbled note he'd found next to the laptop, he frowned and read it again, still lacking any enlightenment as to the identity of the author.

Sorry, emergency, have to leave. Last night was incredible. I'll call as soon as I can.

As he reached for the cell phone sitting in the center of his desk, it rang, as if thinking about the promised call had caused it to occur. Picking it up gingerly, he answered tentatively. "Yes?"

"Lex? It's Clark. I hope you don't mind, but I got your number off your cell before I left. Did you find my note?"

"Yes, I think I did."

"Are you okay? You sound a little odd."

"Do I?"

"Never mind, I probably caught you in the middle of one of your analyses. I wanted to ask you if it was okay if I stopped by tonight after work, maybe we could even have dinner together? We never finished talking yesterday and I need to..."

"Yes."

"Yes? Great! I'll be there about six. I'll see you then, Lex. Um...bye."

"Goodbye."

Lex looked at the phone in his hand and wondered exactly whom he would be meeting at six. It was probably a good time to try using the system called MIN and see if it could fill in some of the blanks.

. . .


The buzz caught him off-guard, deep in the middle of learning the ins and outs of working with MIN. Looking around, he saw the red light blinking above a door on the first floor and surmised someone was outside. He decided to try one of the command sets. "MIN, do you have any information on my visitor?"

"Bruce Wayne. Confidence level 10."

He sighed in relief. Finally, a name he recognized and could trust. He started down the stairs to greet his oldest friend. "MIN, open door."

Bruce brought his own darkness into the dimly-lit space, but Lex didn't care. He was too eager to talk to someone who might help him understand what was happening, more quickly. "Bruce, am I glad to see you!"

Standing back, Bruce nodded in greeting. "Hello, Lex, it's good to see you, too. How long have you been awake?"

Puzzled, Lex stopped his advance towards his friend. "About two, two and a half hours, why?"

"So, you're only about halfway through your orientation period, just starting to retrieve your memories using MIN. I want you to finish before I answer any questions. Any break in your routine will just make it harder for you later on. I'll wait for you in your office." Walking around Lex, Bruce walked up the stairs, carrying a case with him, and disappeared through the office door, leaving Lex standing open-mouthed in shock.

"MIN, when does the white rabbit arrive?"

"Question not on file. Please re-phrase question."

Sighing, Lex trudged back up the stairs and sat back down in front of the bank of monitors. "MIN, cancel question. Continue briefing on building systems and security."

. . .


"Bruce?"

Hitting the sleep key on his laptop, Bruce looked up at Lex, hovering uncertainly just inside the office door. "Finished?"

Nodding, Lex came in and sat behind his desk, watching as his friend put away his laptop and sat back on the sofa. "I think so. At least, I think I know what questions to ask." Frowning, he leaned forward. "The first one is: Why are you here?"

Bruce nodded, no emotion displaying on his stoic face. "Good. I'm here because Clark Kent showed up here yesterday, and now he knows that you're alive."

"Are you here to protect me from him, or to explain what significance his visit had?"

Bruce raised a sardonic brow. "I'm assuming your first choice was sarcastic since you would have already discovered he is set at confidence level 10 and would never pose a threat to you."

Lex rolled his eyes at his friend's behavior. 'Yes. So? Are you going to save me from having to listen to the fifteen hours MIN recorded in order to find out what happened?"

"I'm afraid that you'll probably still need to listen because Clark knows more about your life in Smallville than I ever did. In addition, I think something important happened between you two yesterday...and he doesn't know that you won't remember it."

"How did that happen?"

"I'm not sure. When I talked to him this morning..."

"Wait, you've spoken to him already?"

"Yes. We...work together on occasion. To continue, while we were discussing the fact that I had never told him you were alive, I got the distinct impression that you two had not finished sharing information, and that he was expecting to pick up wherever you left off last night. I thought that you needed to know, so that you could decide how you wanted to handle the situation."

Lex sat back in his chair slowly as he absorbed the information from Bruce. "Well, that should make for an interesting conversation. I wonder why I didn't tell him?"

"I don't think you're going to know until you listen to those recordings. Maybe you need to just scan them for the highlights." Rubbing his chin, Bruce frowned again. "Do you want me to be here when he arrives?"

Lex shook his head. "No, I'll handle it. Thanks for the offer, but it looks like you've cleaned up enough of my messes to last a lifetime. It's my responsibility."

Standing up, Bruce picked up his case and walked toward the desk, hand outstretched. Lex stood and shook it warmly. "I really appreciate you coming all the way from Gotham to fill me in, Bruce."

Bruce shrugged. "Any time you need me, Lex, I'm a phone call away. If I could have been sure where you were in your cycle, I would have just called myself, but your waking periods do tend to vary..."

"I understand. Thanks again."

"Take care, Lex. I'll see myself out." A rare grin flashed across Bruce's face. "You better start listening. He'll be here all too soon, I'm afraid. Good luck."

. . .


Lex was aware he was still missing large portions of the previous day's events when the buzzer announced that Clark had arrived. He'd fast-forwarded to the end of MIN's recording, and the whisper he'd heard had made it clear that he could damage something precious if he wasn't careful. There were some security photos taken by MIN that he'd studied, as well as details about Clark's life available from public records, but none of that mattered as much as actually meeting the man he'd seduced and forgotten. Hurrying to the door, he stopped to compose himself before directing MIN to open it.

"Lex!" The photos had done little to prepare Lex for the dazzling grin that greeted him as Clark walked through the door. Unfortunately, his natural reserve had him avoiding the quick kiss that Clark attempted, instantly leaving Clark thinking that he'd made a serious mistake. "I'm sorry, I guess that I..." Flushing, he ducked his head in abject apology. "Look, I didn't mean to...maybe I should..."

Catching hold of Clark's bicep before he could walk back out the door, Lex quickly reassured him. 'No, Clark, it's okay. You just startled me. That's all." Urging him forward, Lex attempted to draw Clark further into the room. "I'm really glad you're here. I've been looking forward to talking with you." He was pleased to see the smile return, although the wattage had been significantly reduced. "Why don't we go upstairs to the office?"

Knowing how the previous evening had ended left Lex feeling slightly self-conscious as he walked up the stairs first, wondering if Clark was remembering what had happened, and if he was imagining Lex without his clothes, just as Lex was about him. Reminding himself that they had to talk first, Lex desperately tried to rein in his raging libido and block out the memory of the sounds Clark had made as he came.

Taking his seat behind the desk, Lex looked up to see a puzzled look on Clark's face as he sat down slowly on the sofa. He berated himself silently for not realizing that Clark would expect Lex to be sitting next to him, not place a desk between them. He knew he needed to let Clark know what had happened as soon as possible, but hesitated over how to begin.

Clark gave him the perfect opening. "Lex, is there something wrong? Did I...make a mistake coming here?" His green eyes were wide with concern.

Lex raised a calming hand. "No, Clark, you didn't make a mistake. If anything, I think I was the one who didn't make myself clear yesterday." A choking sound of distress from Clark brought him to his feet, and moving around the desk, intent on relieving the pain he could see in his face. "Clark, please listen."

Scrambling to his feet, Clark wrung his hands as he stuttered out an apology. "I knew...I should have just left, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to take advantage of you, Lex. I could never...I..."

Placing his hand gently over Clark's trembling lips, Lex shook his head ruefully. "This is not going very well, is it? Can you please sit down, Clark and let me explain?" He took his hand away as Clark nodded slowly and resumed his seat, perching on the edge of the cushion as if ready to bolt at any second.

Lex stood directly in front of Clark, hoping to forestall any attempt at escape before he could finish. "I told you yesterday that I had amnesia, right?" He didn't wait for Clark to respond. "I do, but it's a very rare type of anterograde amnesia."

Clark nodded. "You mentioned that."

Lex's mouth twisted, his scar blanching from the pressure. "I'm guessing from the way this conversation has been going that I didn't explain exactly what that meant."

Clark shrugged, puzzled. "You said you didn't remember anything that happened after the accident at the bridge."

"That's correct, but there's more. When I go to sleep, I lose my memory again, Clark." Lex wanted to rub away the frown line that appeared between the green eyes that searched his face, trying to understand. "That's why MIN exists, because every time I wake up, I have to start all over again, at the bridge, thinking that I hit you with my car."

Lex watched the expressions chase each other across Clark's face as he looked up: bafflement, calculation, understanding and then finally, dismay. Shaking his head sadly, he confirmed Clark's unspoken question. "No, Clark, I don't remember anything about yesterday. All I have left is what was stored in MIN and whatever I just looked up about you before you arrived."


***

Chapter Five

***


"I tend to stay awake for about forty hours at a stretch to try to make up for losing about five catching up every time I wake up. Spending all that time at once with you made it difficult for me to recover what we did, what we talked about, before you got here today. I'm sorry." Lex was sitting next to Clark on the sofa as he explained how his life worked. "I'll understand if you want to leave after all this. It can't be easy knowing..."

It was Clark's turn to reassure, his large hand covering Lex's where it lay between them. "No, Lex. I want to stay, that is, if you want me to." He squeezed gently. "I came back today because there was more that I needed to tell you. That hasn't changed." He ducked his head and peered at Lex shyly through his thick lashes. "How I feel about you hasn't changed, either."

Remembering the whisper, Lex turned his hand over and clasped Clark's tightly. "Then let's finish this, shall we?"

Closing his eyes for a second in relief, Clark took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "All right. I just hope you can forgive me when you've heard everything, Lex."

"Clark, I think I already have. Whatever it is, you could have kept it a secret the rest of your life, I never would have known. That you're willing to take a chance means a lot, possibly more than what you're going to tell me."

"I hope so, Lex. First, tell MIN to record this as a priority, so you'll know it right away the next time you wake up."

Frowning, Lex did as Clark asked. "MIN, record, priority 1."

Looking directly into Lex's face, Clark began. "Your father drugged you so that it would look like you had a psychotic break. He did it because you had evidence that he and Morgan Edge killed your grandparents for the insurance money. He had you committed to Belle Reve and put you through electroshock therapy to erase your memory." Clark's voice dropped to almost a whisper and he looked away in shame. "I panicked when you found out I wasn't human and I ran and I let them take you away to Belle Reve instead of keeping you safe. I waited too long to try to get you out and...and then...I couldn't...I was too late."

Lex's hand went lax inside of Clark's, but he didn't pull away. "You were just one person. How did you expect to go against my father and all his men and win? It took Bruce months to get me out, and he's a billionaire. You were what...in high school?"

Clark's head whipped around in disbelief, his voice strident. "Didn't you hear me? I'm not human. I'm an alien that came down with the same meteors that took away your hair. I'm stronger and faster than any human...and I let them take you away because I was a coward." He dropped Lex's hand and clenching his fist, pounded his thigh in emphasis. "I could have broken you out, when I visited that one time you begged me to, and I refused. Then I couldn't get to you, they stopped me with the kryptonite, and it was too late."

Tears ran down Clark's face, unchecked. "They took you away to someplace that Chloe and I couldn't find, we tried everything we could think of, and then you were...dead and there was nothing I could do to make it right." He was mumbling into Lex's shoulder, never feeling the arms that wrapped around him, or the voice that tried to comfort him. "Don't you understand? I let the man I loved die because I was afraid."

. . .


"I've never loved anyone else. I don't think I ever will." Lex listened to the thick, rough voice and silently continued to comb through the dark curls covering the head lying heavy on his thigh. "Do you think that maybe someday you could forgive me, Lex?"

"That's a lot of guilt you've been carrying around, Clark." Lex's hand stilled, still buried deep in Clark's hair. "I guess I can sympathize because I carry some of my own from back when I was younger and destroyed someone's life." Lex's laugh was bitter. "When we were friends, did I ever tell you about this place? Club Zero?" A nod answered him. "So, maybe we both need some forgiveness in our lives."

Resuming his soothing motion, Lex sighed. "I don't think this will be the last time we'll talk about this, Clark. There are probably a lot of details I'm going to want before a final version goes into MIN. Are you willing to go through that?"

Twisting to look up into Lex's face, Clark asked in disbelief, "Are you saying that you want me here? To stay?"

"I'm saying that I believe that we had something special between us during those years in Smallville and I'd like a chance to find out what it was. How about you?" Lex waited patiently, his blue eyes steady and clear.

Clark sat up slowly and turned his body to face Lex. His head dipped in a slow nod before his grin broke free. "We'd only known each other for a few hours when you told me we had a destiny together. I still believe that, Lex. Yes!"

Lex's eyes crinkled as he responded with a grin of his own. "So, you're an alien? Really? Cool."

. . .


"It is time for you to wake up. It is time for you to wake up."

The voice was familiar, its calm tones soothing in his disorientation. He blinked his eyes slowly and looked up at the ceiling above his head, noting a digital display that changed as he watched.

"Do not panic. You made this recording to remind you about what you've forgotten while you slept last night. Remain calm and listen."

It was his own voice ordering him to stay calm, at the same time that his mind was raging at him and demanding that he jump out of the bed. A bed that he didn't remember going to sleep in, a room he didn't recognize.

"The last thing you remember is a car accident. You crashed through a bridge railing and into a river. You think you hit a boy. You didn't. He wasn't hurt. He saved your life."

He remembered that, the surprise on the face of the boy as his car hurtled toward him. He couldn't believe the dark-haired boy hadn't been hurt, that he'd managed not to have that on his conscience, compounding the guilt he still felt over destroying Amanda's life.

"Look at the date on the ceiling. That is today's date. It is not a mistake. You have been severely injured, and you cannot remember anything that has happened after that accident. The condition you are suffering from is known as anterograde amnesia."

When he calculated the number of years since the date of the accident, he began to understand why the voice had insisted he remain calm. Years. It had been years, and he remembered nothing about them.

"You will wake up every day and listen to these instructions. You will get up, shower and get dressed and then you will go to your office down the hall to your left and read what you need to function today, and you will remember everything that happens until you sleep again."

It felt wrong to accept the information he'd recorded for himself as fact, without any of his normal skepticism, but until he could come up with an alternative, he'd follow the instructions, one step at a time.

"This is important. You must follow these instructions to stay alive. This isn't the easiest way to live, but it works. The sooner you start, the sooner you'll understand."

He watched the numbers on the ceiling as they marked off another minute of the waiting day.

He had no other choice.

He got out of bed.

Walking into the bathroom, he noticed clean towels and a washcloth lying on the counter. Opening the shower, he saw shampoo and conditioner sitting on the shelf next to his favorite bath gel. Puzzled, he turned back around and the two toothbrushes next to shaving cream and a razor caught his eye. Feeling a little exposed, he quickly showered and headed back into the bedroom to get dressed. The clothing that was one to two sizes larger confirmed his suspicion that he wasn't alone.

He had a feeling his life had gotten a lot more interesting.


***

Chapter Six

***


"Lex? Are you caught up?"

"Clark?"

"Yeah. Are you ready to go?"

"I think so. Maybe."

"Take your time. I won't rush you."

"I really do know you, don't I? And you're an alien. And we're going to fly to the Arctic to see if some alien artifact can cure me."

"That's right."

"It's either that or Bruce has gone to a hell of a lot of trouble for a practical joke."

"I'm sure Bruce would be appalled that you thought he could do something that ridiculous, Lex."

"You're right. So, you're an alien."

"Yes, we already covered that once already."

"Sorry, the whole flying without a plane concept is throwing me."

"The sooner we start, the sooner you'll understand."

"That sounds familiar."

"I'm glad something does."

. . .


"I'm sorry, Kal-El, but there is nothing I can do to cure your mate." The AI's booming Kryptonian startled Lex, who was busily examining a nest of crystals. Looking around, and seeing nothing changed, he shrugged and returned to his investigation.

Clark frowned and answered in the same language. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. There is nothing to cure. There is no physical damage that I can detect."

Puzzled, Clark asked for more information. "But he loses his memory every time he sleeps. Surely there must be something causing it."

"Nothing physical. It may be psychological. Perhaps he unconsciously doesn't wish to remember."

Frustrated, Clark protested, "Can't you do something about that?"

"It is a human condition, not Kryptonian. I have nothing to suggest, Kal-El."

With a wave of his hand, Clark shut down the AI. Walking over to Lex, he touched his shoulder gently to get his attention. "Come on, Lex. It's time to go home."

Frowning, Lex abandoned the crystals to face Clark. "Did you find out anything useful?"

Disconsolate, Clark shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. It was a waste of time."

Lex grinned. "Speak for yourself. I got to fly to the Arctic and check out alien technology with a fashion-challenged superhero in primary colors."

"You are such a geek. Come on."

. . .

"The AI couldn't help. It suggested the problem is psychological, not physical."

Leaning back into the shadows so that he disappeared from view on the rooftop, Bruce asked, "So what do you want to try next? A psychiatrist?"

Pacing along the edge of the roof, Clark shrugged, his cape rippling from his shoulders. "I suppose it's a possibility, but Lex...he won't even consider placing himself back in that position. I guess I don't really blame him."

Emerging from the darkness, Bruce stood looking out over Gotham, arms crossed over his chest. "Maybe he needs a reason to remember. He'd been injured over and over again in Smallville, both of his wives tried to kill him, and then his best friend abandoned him so that his father could destroy his mind. Why would he want to remember that? The odd thing is...why the bridge? Why not some other head injury later on? From what you've told me, he was getting hit in the head every other week."

Clark sighed. "Because that was the first time I lied to him."

. . .


"You could erase all the memories of you in MIN and leave, and I'd never know what I was missing. Why don't you?"

"You know why, Lex. Because I love you."

"How can you? I don't know who you are half the time. You spend your time with me trying to help me remember, only to do it again the next day."

"How could I not love you? We were friends - the best of friends and I loved you, then I lost you for the worst of reasons. I got a second chance to be at least a friend, and that would have been enough, but I fell in love all over again with this incredible man with the courage to face living his life from the beginning over and over again. Yes, occasionally you fall into depression, but not for long - you're off and attempting something new, making it better, always striving, never giving up. How could I not love that man and do everything I can to make sure he's in my life everyday? How could I not try to make him love me, too, even if only for a few bittersweet hours?"

Clark leaned over Lex to the keyboard in front of the bank of monitors and typed in a command. A slide show began, playing across all of them. They were pictures of the two of them, taken from the security cameras scattered through the building. They were happy in them, Lex could tell by the smiles that reached into their eyes. In one, Clark was carrying a pool table inside, followed by grins across the green baize. They watched movies snuggled together on the sofa. There were pictures of them sleeping together, of kisses. There were also angry faces and tears, followed by hugs.


Clark pointed to the pictures that were flashing by, his voice intense and on the edge of yelling. "This is why I'm still here, Lex. Because I love that man in those pictures. I love you. Every time you wake up, I wait for you to catch up and then I come to you and I try to make you fall in love with me, and on the good days, it happens. Those days make it all worthwhile, Lex." He turned Lex's chair around and leaned on the arms, his face just a few inches away. "If I have to do that every damn day for the rest of my life, I will, Lex. Because you're worth it. We're worth it." His hands left the arms of the chair to cradle Lex's face and his voice gentled. "Got it?"

Lex gazed deep into the green eyes that begged him to understand and nodded slowly. "Got it."


***

Epilogue

***

One blue eye peered blearily at the blinking zeroes on the digital alarm clock by the bed and groaned. Lifting his head, Lex smiled fondly at the tuft of dark hair that peeked out beneath the blanket pulled up high in a futile attempt to shut out the morning sun. Tugging at the improvised shield, Lex chuckled at the muffled protest. "C'mon, Clark. Your backup alarm didn't go off, and you're going to be late to work."

"I know, I know. There was a fire at the power plant just as I got back from Peru and it took forever to get it under control and I...Lex!" The grumbled complaint ended in a squawk and a flurry of displaced bedclothes. Leaping out of bed, blushing from head to toe as he searched for something to wear, Clark stammered out an apology for oversleeping and not getting the alarm reset and for confusing Lex. Hopping on one foot, the frantic man attempted to pull on the pants that he'd thrown on the floor the night before, trying not to tear a hole in them, when the sound of laughter from the bed stopped him short.

"Wait, you...you called me Clark?"

"Of course I did. That's your name."

"Didn't you go to sleep last night, Lex?"

"Considering I just woke up, I think the answer to that question would be 'Yes, I did go to sleep last night,' Clark."

"But...but you remember my name."

"Yes, I remember your name, and I remember we live together, and I remember...."

"L...Lex!"

Dropping his rumpled pants to the floor, Clark stumbled toward the bed, his outstretched hand shaking. Lex reached out to take it and tugged the confused man down to lie next to him on the bed. Propping himself up on one elbow, he leaned over Clark and tenderly brushed back the dark, sleep-tangled curls. A smile teased at Lex's lips as his clear blue eyes crinkled in amusement. Pale face descending, eclipsing the morning light, Lex whispered, "And most importantly, I remember that I love you."

The kiss was one that they'd never forget.

fin

***

Challenge: CLFF22 All those treatments have made Lex a little unbalanced.
Notes: Inspired by 'Zero Effect' (1998), '50 First Dates' (2004), and 'Memento' (2000). A few grammatical errors corrected since original posting at CLFF site thanks to the eagle eye of jakrar.

Standard Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein. The characters of Lex Luthor and Clark Kent as well as any supporting characters are the property of their creators and DC Comics. "Zero Effect' is the property of Jake Kasdan and Castle Rock Entertainment and '50 First Dates' is the property of Columbia Pictures and George Wing and 'Memento' is the property of Jonathan Nolan and the Newmarket Capitol Group. Gough/Millar Inc and the WB Network TV own Smallville. Any deviations (or deviant behavior) from the originals, however, is mine.

Feedback is both welcome and appreciated.